As many of you know, everyone around the world has been affected by the crisis in Haiti, our students, our schools, families, colleagues and us as individuals. In response to the need seen in our schools we have been asked to facilitate grief and loss workshops along with individual and group counseling. If you are working with students or individuals that may be affected in this way here are a few tips:

Stages of grief
Grief does not follow a linear pattern. It is more like a roller coaster, two steps forward and one step back. Ultimately people manage to integrate the experience to the point of having a new life arising from the old. The loss remains and is always remembered but the intensity is no longer disabling or disorganizing.

Much of grieving is about expressing emotion- some may be unfamiliar, and unacceptable to self or others, eg, rage, guilt, remorse. Finding a safe place and an accepting person for support to work through all the effects of bereavement is important. The amount of support available from family and friends may be limited if they too are grieving. Misunderstandings can arise when people are at different points within the grief experience. External supports may then become a vital factor in surviving and continuing on. It is important to know that you can survive the experience and that the new life that eventually comes about may have very positive effects despite the difficulty of arriving at this point.

Twelve Ways to Help the Bereaved

• By being there
• By tolerating silences
• By listening in an accepting and non-judgmental way
• Avoid the use of clichés such as “Think of all the good times”, “You can always have another child” etc.
• By encouraging them to talk about the deceased
• Be practical in your offer of support by minding children or cooking
• By mentioning the deceased persons name
• Accept that tears are normal and healthy
• Don’t try to fill in conversations with a lot of outside news
• Remember that grief may take many years to work through
• Acknowledge birthdays, anniversaries etc.
• By accepting that you cannot make them feel better